I, Hang in There Kitty, am pretty sure this will be the day that I will fall to my death. And although I appreciate your interest in my struggle, I’m almost certain I won’t be able to hang onto this limb with my little paws for much longer. I am probably going to fall from this limb and crack my tiny skull on the sidewalk below. When I do, please try not to step on me.

Of course, I won’t feel it if you step on my mid-section and force all my organs to squeeze out my mouth like soft serve strawberry frozen yogurt—because I will be dead, but I would hate for you to get my soft kitty fur or thick kitty blood on your shoes, especially if they are your fancy leather work shoes. My bloodstains probably wouldn’t wash out. I don’t really know, though, as I have never tried to wash blood out of anything. I haven’t done much of anything at all, really. Most of my time has been spent hanging from this tree by one teeny paw, trying not to die… .

(Read On)